Literally.

That's all I have to say... other than I'd rather be a Britney's end of the world party.

Brace yourself.

The first thing you see in this video is that this video is dedicated to Michael Jackson. And thus, the eye-rolling began.

I guess it makes sense since the song, "She Ain't You" samples MJ's "Human Nature". But, I don't think that means Chris needs to dress up like Michael circa "Smooth Criminal" and dance like him for the full video. 

I suppose he's trying to identify with the late King of Pop as a martyr. But, then when he starts walking on water, like history's biggest martyr, Jesus Christ, that's excessive.

Also, Chris, you will never get Rihanna back, so stop whining. And I'm sure your current girlfriend must love this song. 

On behalf of women everywhere, I'm offended by Chris Brown's latest video. On behalf of people with good taste anywhere, I'm offended by Chris Brown's latest video.

He's been churning out the singles non-stop from his latest album F.A.M.E. and he's just released a viral video for his song "Spend It All". It's a song about strippers. So, the video, accordingly, features all sorts of softcore scenes that really turned my stomach.

Not so must because of the strippers. What a woman wants to do with her body is her prerogative. I'm mostly offended because this is Chris Brown: a violent misogynist who keeps asking for the public to forgive him because he's changed, yet he releases a video like this which portrays woman as objects for sexual pleasure.

DUDE! Get a friggin' clue! This isn't how you go about showing your reform.

And it doesn't help that the song sucks.

Watch if you care. I recommend you be older than 18, please.

<p>CBE - Spend It All (18+) from Mechanical Dummy on Vimeo.</p>

I've seen many a porn that employs the sexy mechanic theme. And it seems so has Keri Hilson and Chris Brown, because the video for her new single "One Night Stand" is pretty much a music video version of those films.

And how!

The moves they do are pretty sexual and steamy. 

As for the song, it's just another one in Keri's manifesto of being a freak. Also, I don't blame Keri for choosing Chris to have a one night stand with. I mean, we all saw what he's packing (NSFW). He's just not relationship material. Unless you're into that.

So, Chris Brown's second single off of his latest album F.A.M.E. (Famous Angry Male Ego - just kidding) is a "Beautiful People", a dance track mixed by Benny Benassi.

The video is shot in a very amateur style, looking like they just carried a Flip cam all over the place. Look for cameos by Pharrell, Estelle, Timbaland, Nelly and more. But, I couldn't help but laugh at the shot of everyone fist pumping in the middle of the song.

Really, Chris? Is that a wise dance move for you to be doing? 

Lyrically, the song is a very uplifting song about finding beauty around you and within - but coming from Chris' mouth, it smells of someone trying to make himself feel better about himself. 

We all know he's prone to violence. And I know he's sick of us all reminding him about it. But, if you didn't want that to happen, here's a tip, Mr. Brown: how about you don't pummel a girl's face to a pulp in the first place?

But, whatever. You're a beautiful person. Keep telling yourself that, Chris.

Diddy, if you want to find a guy to sing a song about a broken heart, there are many, many alternatives to using Chris Brown. Because when Chris Brown sings about wishing he'd do it all different and how he gave his heart and how he can't get rid of her from his memory, I just think "Good, you deserve it!"

I also think that this is just another apology from a guy who's apologized countless times, to the point where it all sound insincere. 

I can't be completely surprised that Chris Brown is appearing on Diddy's track. After all, Diddy offered up his Florida home for Chris Brown and Rihanna to retreat to after the pre-Grammy beatdown. Thankfully, Rihanna snapped out of it. And hopefully seeing pics of Chris acting like king of the world when he should have his tail tucked between his legs played a role in that. Like this pic:

So, what I'm saying is, I still can't stomach Chris Brown and songs like this Diddy-Dirty Money track don't help his cause.

I really really wanted to hate the new Chris Brown song "Look At Me Now". But, I have to admit, it's good.

It's a hard, hip-hop influnece track that has so much beautiful bass, it rattled my earlobe while I listened to in on my headphones. I swear!

The track, which features Busta Rhymes and Lil Wayne, still has lots of eye-rolling moments. 

First of all, it's the lead single off his upcoming album F.A.M.E., which stands for Forgiving All My Enemies. Yeah, after he rants about them on Twitter I'm sure.

Secondly, I can't help but laugh at his lyric "I'm gettin' paper". Really? Last I remember, his previous album Grafitti, didn't do so well. And he was playing smaller venues. So, I wonder where he gets off saying that?

Last of all, there's a line about saying hello to his dick. Strangely, this video comes a couple of days after a nude pic of Chris actually "leaked" online. 

Chris, you're still ridiculous. And I can't stand you. But damn, this is a good song.

+ 40 years

x a 70s 'stache

=

Chris Brown released a video for his new single "Yeah 3x" (because "Yeah, Yeah, Yeah" is too long for Twitter) and... wow.

First of all, this song sounds like a Jason DeRulo leftover. I guess he didn't want Rihanna to have all the fun with the current urban-dance crossover trend.

Secondly, the lyric "Girl, I gotta see you tonight" seems a lot more threatening when Chris sings it. Save those words for Bieber.

Third, why is he singing about drinking in front of children?

Fourth, he raps now?

And finally, what the hell is with that final outfit? White shorts and a Miami Vice blazer, sans shirt? Bitch, please.

I can't. I just can't.